Abandoned...

Poor blog. Feels so abandoned.
But I share another blog with my darling now, so there is no time here.
Dreams and hopes will probably be shared here again at a later time =)

See you around.


*hugs*

Nights...

Sleep evades me. Doesnt want to embrace me.
Im just waiting.

....

Me, finally back on track...

So here I am now. In Stockholm. Living in a bag on my sisters floor. I have a job again and it its turning out to be challenging and fun. I just wish it was in the right city.
In two months I will have 7 days with Mihai again, wich will be spent mostly in Göteborg since we are to have New Years dinner with some friends. It will be wonderful and afterwards I will be a mess again. But we are slowly moving towards the day when he is done with his studies and can come live in sweden.
Where is the Fast Forward button? Who hid it?

Last night was a Kick Off with my new workplace. They payed for everything and the food was good, the games at Ballbreaker was fun... And I left before the nomnom free drinks became too plentiful with some.

Life is pretty good to me at the moment.

So why can't I relax?

10 days...

...and I asure you it feels like every day is slower than the one before.
10 days is rly nothing. Just slightly more than a week.

But when the days drag themselves by me one at a time I just find myself wanna scream cause they never seem to end.

So darling... Hurry up and get here. I have missed you for so long now.

Saruta-ma iubitul meu. Imi este dor de tine.

35 days...

So yet another countdown and Im going in an emotional rollercoaster.
One day Im ecstatic... He is finally coming to see me... I will get to have him close to me again.

Next day Im going down cause its still so long... over a month...

Sitting here watching out the window... sun... green grass and flowers... People enjoying sunshine and each others company... it makes me miss him even more.
I want that... sitting in the grass... cuddling... Everyday life you know.

Still I will be his. Always. I am for him... and he is for me.

Mihai iubitule! Imi este dor de tine.
Get her fast...





47 days.

Mihai has tickets... My love is coming to see me in Sweden.
*bouncing up and down with joy*

Cant wait. I miss you sweetie.

Pup!

Iubitule...

In june I will get to see him again... Maybe before that but nothing is certain.
Six months and a distance that would scare anyone... And even tho I get frustrated sometimes, all I want is to be near him. I actually found a man who will just hold me.. Just cause I need to be held.

On the other hand he claims he cant keep his hands off of me so... ;) Who knows how long he will "just" hold me =D

Anyway... My point is. I love him. He even got me thinking about children ;) Noone saw that coming huh? =D

Te sarut iubitule!

Loneliness...

My heart is starting to feel lonely. I miss him so much I dont function if Im not occupied with something...

I love my family... My sister is one of my best friends....
I see them a couple of times a year and I dont miss them nearly as much.

How do I survive till I can come see him again?? Till he can come see me here?

I need his arms around me when I sleep.. New years was way too addictive!


Back....

And yet again my feet are treading swedish soil.
About 20:00 swedish time this monday I steped out of the plane on Arlanda, got my bag and greeted my dad who was kind enough to come get me.
I was happy to be home. Dads home is the most homelike place in the world for me. I love it...
The fireplace was lit when I got home and a lambsteak was in the oven.

And I missed him. There is spot inside thats slowly filling up with a sense of loss, however much we speak on messenger or phone or vent.

I really wished I could have brought him with me in my pocket.
Im not sure its legal since smuggling people is a crime, but who cares.
Sleeping has been a bit tricky since. I will have to get used to sleeping alone and I miss my private radiator.
I miss his heartbeat, his arms around me, his fingers slowly running through my hair, his soft kisses on my cheeks, forhead and lips...  Most of all I miss his smile and laugh and the way he cares for me...

Im back at work and its fun... I have enough to do now to keep my days busy...
In about 2 weeks its time for skiweek and all my friends. I had better get the pictures up before then because it will be lots of questioning then. I will be interrogated like crazy. Possibly it might be a good idea to bring lots of clothes for changing since I will probably have to defend myself in snowwrestling...

Mihai my love... please come and save me :D

6 days and....



Ok. So I have 6 days and 10 hours till my plane is supposed to take off...
6 hours and 10 hours of waiting.
Once Im on that plane I will be either very exited... or very very nervous.
I have no idea yet but who cares =)

2 days of laundry, cleaning the apartment, and packing.
1.5 days left of working.
2 days of christmas with the family.

Then... I will suddenly be with him...

Crazy =D



I just got home. Its friday and I just stepped through the door after working, a christmasdinner for the servicedepartment at work (could have been better), meeting with Kilt, Stitch and Linnea at Liseberg (the lights are beautiful and the part with "snow" is very pretty too) and shopping for stuff like toothbrush and schampoo so I have all that when I start packing...

Now I will get myself a huge cup of tea, change the lamp in the room and than start to decide what I dont want to bring...

He is out having beer with his friends so Im awaiting funny sms in a while ;)

Christmas and New years are coming... with family and love...
Couldnt be better ...


        





Ps. Today I, unfortunately, lost all respect I ever had
for a certain person. Its sad cause its a person
I at first considered a friend. Ah well.. You can
only be childish for so long before people start
to grow tired of your behaviour...

Countdown... is slow...

God damn I miss you! Thirteen more days till I can be with you.

First another week of work. I have to go to the hairdresser tuesday and wednesday there is a Whitesnake concert.
Im cleaning my apartment and throwing things out to make more space.
I have 2 more christmasgifts to find. A bag to pack for 2 days with my family and nine days with you.

I have more than enough to fill my days.

Still I just miss you... Its empty without you!

Thirteen more days...


Keeping you forever and for always

I did something for my darling today. I even have an accomplice in this little secret...
He is soooo curious ;) But no! He will know soon... He will have to wait =D

Isnt it a bit amazing? I have someone who claims to belong to me... Who asks to be mine forever and who I can dare love with no fear. I could describe what he means to me but that wouldnt be appropriate for an open forum like this ;)
My sweetheart knows... That's what's important you see.

It's cold outside now. Mornings are the worst, when I have to get out of my warm cosy bed and get out in to the either damn cold dark Gothenburg, or the totally crazy stormy (wind that makes the obligatory rain come from all sides at once... even from below) reality that is autumns / winters in Gothenburg.

It really isnt that big a problem but my back is really getting worse and worse. Constant pain in my back and neck. Not the best way to spend time.

On the bright side David promised he would help me find new jeans. Its a good thing to have a friend who works at JC. ;) I might even find a pair I like with a little assistance...

Time for a cup of tea.. Anyone care to join me?

Rollercoaster

A small summary of this last weeks rollercoaster ride...

Trouble ahead. At least some parts of my life are hard to get through at the moment. It's a good thing I am such a "grinder". We will manage, of course.

On the other hand. Beerfest this weekend. I will have such a good time!
I haven't really partied with these people in ages and I missed them.

Work is fun. Imagine having fun at work? I didn't think I would be in this position one year ago.

I fall deeper and deeper each day that goes by. Mihai holds my heart and I cant wait to see him again. Until then I just make the most of our talks.
Thank you love, for making me smile!

No more info as of now. Signing out!
//Eow.

Ticket to ride

Tickets ordered, payed for and ready to use.
Now its just waiting...

How will I be able to wait so long?

I love you!

Spawn of Lucifer!

When Im going to and from work I usally read. It makes time fly and is also one of the few moments where I can actually relax enough to just read.
Since I mostly carry paperbacks I have a leathercover for them so they wont be destroyed while bouncing around in my bag. Its a black leathercover that makes even the most suspicious book look somber and dignified..

Anyway... Here is what happend yesterday on my way home from work.

I was sitting by the window and there was a woman sitting next to me with plenty of bags so I think it was a little light weekend travel on her part. Just as the tram was heading in from Mölndal to Göteborg she pushed me a little to make me notice the guy on the other side of her.
He was looking at me as if he was expecting an answer and when I just looked pussled he said "Is that the bible you are reading?"
Since my experience with people asking such things are they never shut up I just said "No. Its not" and went back to reading.
He was quiet maybe a minute and then... "What book is it???"
I couldnt be bothered so I just kept reading.
Some more silence and then a loud statement to the rest of the passengers "Aha! Its the book of the devil. The book of Lucifer!!!!"

At this point I couldnt help myself so I started smiling. Oh dear god I would have liked to say "It is a novel, a fiction. It has murder in it... Some love... jealousy and human interaction. Just a fiction... Pretty much like the bible!"  But I didnt.
I was nice! I controlled my need to laugh at him ;)

When I smirked he just stood up and got off the tram.

I wonder what it is with people with strong religious views. The need they feel to force their conviction upon others?
Religion in the hands of a fanatic is a scary thing.

Ah well... There is little thats more satisfying than seing someone like that make a fool out of himself when he tries to put someone else down. =)



On a more important note! I am waiting to see if I get my days off at christmas... If I do. I'll go see my dads christmas and then its Romania at new years :D :D :D
Cant wait!!!!


Good things in life....

Trying to focus on cleaning now. Its a must.

When you feel you have to use a map and a compass to find your way across your home, then its time to pull upp your sleeves and start clearing. A raid on my home if u will.

So what am I doing in front of the pc bloging?

I really do hate cleaning (Im not alone there so its no big deal), but most of all the problem is I want to talk to You. I know You arent online, but well, I feel closer here... 

Time to admit it! Stand up in front of a jury of my peers and say the words. "I am in love!"
I most certainly didnt plan this. As most good things in life it just happend. I couldnt fight it even if I wanted, because.. (and this is perhaps presumptuous of me?)... he loves me right back!

Do you have any idea how rare this is?
Im slowly adapting. Deciding on trust and to believe. To let You close.
I will let someone close enough to have the power to shatter me.

I am a little crazy now. I know. But.. I suddenly have a shot at being very happy with someone... instead of being content all by myself. I know what Im choosing.

No doubt about it!

I choose You!!


Rush of emotions.

How did this happen? When did it happen?
Its a rush inside me... blood running faster.
Smile on my lips, flutter in my tummy.

I feel like my skin is tickling, like its glowing.

Scared? Of course. I would be stupid not to...
Yet a great feeling of exitement, anticipation.... Happiness.

So how do I handle this.
Can You help me please?



Edit: Im very sure. This never happend to me before. I met you and now Im sure. this never happend before...




Nine countries in nine days!

So, another roadtrip launched and finished. Since this trip was "no hotels" I packed only one bag and brought only a sleepingbag and pillow beside that. Oh! And ofc I brought my passport!


Took the train to Malmö to meet up with Tank and to remodel the car. Remodelling means taking out the backseats... and put in mattrasses to sleep on. Then we were off.
The boat from Ystad to Poland and at 7 in the morning we started our way down to our first stop. Krakow. A very nice place i might add. We mainly saw the old town but we liked it a lot. After a quick freshening up with wet napkins ( ;) ) we had a nice night on the still summerwarm town with a few beers and then slept  in the car just by the park. I also have got the cutest dragon from there.


Next morning we slept a little too long. It changed our plans a bit. This is when we started to feel a little sweaty I must admit. Going fast as hell all the way to the Ukraine border didnt help much cause... well... Ukraine borderpolice is tricky and kept asking us about drugs and weapons and.. god knows what. Took us one hour to get in to the country, and then the roads... OMG! the roads...
I tell you guys this. Don't ever go by car through Ukraine if you are in a hurry. Damn. Roads are narrow and everyone drives as if the stole the cars and was on the run from the police, and to top it off, even going slow on those roads shakes your insides about so much they feel like nothing is where its supposed to. Just imagine how going in a steady 140km/h felt like :D
But the land itself. L'viv and the smaller towns we passed, and the buildings. Beautiful! Lena was happy to see it again and it sort of rubbed off on me.


Sometime about 9 in the evening we crossed the border but since thats 10 Romanian time we just found a place to stay for the night.


Coming to Romania was... Well, suddenly there was roads. It was almost an orgasmic feeling to be able to just drive... No bumps! Smoothe sailing if you will. We hit Iasi at about 9 in the morning and found a place where we treated ourselves to full body massage. Damn I needed that. My back has been killing me a long time.
The biggest difference from swedish massage is this guy focused on the calfs, feet and... hmm ;)  Butt... My ass hasnt been that treated since I once road a motorcycle 600km. :D
Once we were done with the massage we met up with Bob and Canni. That was the start anyway. I now know the place where they keep ending up after raids.. And after a while people just kept dropping in. Just in case i forget a name I wont say them... but still... I would have loved to meet Kos too. But he was home on dog duty!.
I loved seeing all of the guys (and girl)! Both me and Lena had a wonderful evening and I hope I wasnt too big of a disappointment.


Bob was the perfect gentleman and asked his aunt if me and Lena could sleep there... So we actually got to sleep in a bed and we were very greatful.
Next morning a quick coffee with some of the guys and we were again in the car... This time heading towards Bucharest and Raja.


We arrived in Bucharest about 6 local time. Raja was amazed we ended up just outside his door without him having to go look for us. He doesnt trust girls with a gps it seems ;)
After a lovely shower we headed towards a nice pub in a park. sitting by water drinking beer and eating pizza is a very nice way to spend an evening. Lena got Raja very interested in Live Roleplaying. ;)
Since it had been a long day we then went home and spent some time just talking. Thank god for the opportunity to sleep in a bed once again :D

Oh and btw! Romanian guys do know how to hug. ;) They just pretend they cant!! :D


So... Waking up. Raja is showing his breakfast skills (very nice breakfast indeed) and we started for Bulgaria and the black sea.
Before long we were turning shops in Varna upside down. Nothing there will ever be the same :D
We then hit the beach and spent some time in the waves of the Black Sea before having a nice dinner on a fishrestaurant by the beach.
But all good things come to an end so we left Varna at night and started through a dark Bulgaria towards Serbia.
That night we almost got lost in a small village in Serbia when Lena wanted to find us a nice spot by a lake to sleep.
We found our way out again and slept a bit closer to the road :D


Serbia was just passed very fast cause we headed for Zagreb. To our dismay Fist didnt have time to meet me. I will bug him about it for a long time. I mean. How often does 2 hot (I mean hot and sweaty... nothing else) swedish chicks come to Zagreb?  I would totally expose myself to a sweaty hug from a girl that prolly smells pretty bad from sleeping in the car a couple of nights. ;)
Instead we just passed Zagreb and went to the coast. In a small town (sorry I said Village, Fist... wont happen again) by the Adriatic sea we slept and in the morning we got up and took a quick dip in the sea. I tried to wash my hair but its tricky in saltwater.


Now it was about time to head for home. Once we started through Slovenia it was a piece of cake to pass the borders. Only stops we made now was to shop (Comfortfood is not for us... we shop instead) and to fill the tank (the cars tank... not THE Tank... she can fill up on her own) and to use the loo. Sometime about here I started getting cranky. No wonder cause once we hit Austria and the first rain we had seen in more than a week started falling, my period started and also my tummy felt it was a good time to go havoc on me.
Sensitive readers look away! 


I was pissing with my ass, so to speak! Not nice at all when u drive a car :D   Also my tummy hurt so much as was whining a lot ;)


Anyway. Slept last night outside Münich in a forest where I got eaten up by mosquitos and then a steady 170-180 km/h through Germany up to Poland. Was lovely to get home sunday morning and take a shower...


All in all... I had so much fun and met my wonderful guildies and felt possibly filthy all the time cause of lack of showers and too much beer...  I also have a couple of new stamps in my passport!!! 
10 out of 10 for this trip :D


Heartache

So I did it again. I broke my heart!
I say I, cause in the process of breaking my own heart I am breaking someone elses heart also. How do I manage to do this?

Oh and I'm fighting work again. The hag is extremely unhappy with me cause I wont do what she wants me to. If it turns out the way I want, I will have plenty of time to find a new job. Otherwise its gonna be a pain to get by unless I sell my home and move back up to Sthlm.

Only time will tell.......

Awake!!

I didnt sleep much the night between wednesday and thursday.
Woke up thursday morning and was barely able to walk through the door. The day was a struggle to keep my eyes open. So.. I got to bed early yesterday. Around 10. Slept for 8 hours and imagine... I'm feeling pretty awake today even though there's no sun shining.

It being friday could have something to do with it ofcourse!

I'm waiting for an opportunity to go see Linnea. A cute babygirl, who's darling parents for some reason thought I should I should keep an eye on their daughter as imaginary-relative. There you have it. I'm an aunt ;)
That's the kind of thing that happens all the time amongst my friends. We collect new relatives =)

Otherwise I have a few plans for this weekend. Cleaning up. Im taking 2 hours and just clean up the mess. Might even convince Simon to come help me get rid of the garbage and play a little Wii.
It's been way too long since we last spent an evening gaming and laughing. Also I need a few hugs *hint hint*
Last but prolly most timeconsuming... Raid on sunday. I promised so I had better ;)

On the way home today I will take a look to see if I can find a pair of jeans. I really need them. Otherwise I will end up with only pairs that are worn out on certain places and thats not suitable for work :D

Also I scared the co-workers this morning by telling them of my visit to the skeleton church in Kutna Hora outside Prague and the skeleton crypt in Rome. Now they have no doubt anymore. I am a Marilyn Manson fan and make offerings to dark gods and drink the blood ;)
To think a little interest in the morbid makes you such a weirdo in their eyes..

But then again they have never seen the cuddly Eow. The girl who loves to hug ppl. That, in the same way as worn out jeans, is not suitable for working here. I could just as well wear my studentoveralls if I wanted to act that way at work. Now THAT would be a sight for gods :D

Oh! Btw. I found an old favourite song from when I was 12 or 13 years old. Mmmmm how lovely!



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